Apparently Google has its knickers all in a twist over those cunts in the Eu and some shite about cookies. Frankly if they are biscuits then I will eat them, if you are concerned about this then fuck off somewhere else and read something else.

Wednesday, 28 November 2007

It took all last weekend

But Richard and I finally got his tree up!
Thanks Richard!

Not forgetting Mr Bean

This old chestnut reared its head again thanks to Nigel, I thought I had lost that. I saw it in 2000 and was told that in NZ it was moved to after 9pm due to the language, I think its rather quaint:

I'd forgotten about this: Phoney Tony

Tuesday, 27 November 2007

And so it begins

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honour of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells"
Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "These are Carols."
And So The Christmas Season Begins......

Thanks Richard
Oh and in keeping with the national news, Gordon, I'm David Abrahams and so's my wife! Can we have the £600, 000 back now please?
Hands up who thought the one eyed porrige wog didnt look shifty when asked directly whether he thought Harriet Harman had broken the law?
I didnt think so. Will Harriet be for the chop?
Now not forgetting this lady if that is a fair description.
Now a footballer can be slated and banned for 8 months for missing 1 dope test (cue sniggers0 but this lady expects us to believe that forgetting 3 in a row was a minor error and that all of a sudden she is competitng in China at the next Olympics.
When did Athletics become prodfessional. None of these sportsmen and women have real jobs and are funded by us full time.
That in itself isnt bad unless ofcourse you want to apply market pressures and use perfomance related pay!
Make the buggers win or get no funding, the British pair that won Gold in the Long Range Rifle at Seoul Olympics even paid their own air fare.
Typical tofu munching Guardian reading tossers.

Saturday, 24 November 2007

A morning walked up with the dogs

Well last night was the coldest of the season so far but that normally means a warm day. We started early to ensure we got the birds on our own ground and wahay the dogs worked well as did the method of walking up.
Over 30 birds flew over us and 2 fell to the guns. a cartridge to bird ratio of about 6 to one. Time to practice on the going away birds.
All is not lost I am working tomorrow, puppy training followed by some mortgage paying effort later on!

Thursday, 22 November 2007

Today I shall be totally

Unselfish (lazy) and devote my posting to an English Shooter His digs at the Government, NRA and Plod are worth a perusal. Thanks for Mr Free Market for bringing him to my attention. His comments about the NRA ring bells loud and clear. To all those shooters out there who have paid their dues and been either misrepresented or plain sold down the river dont keep quiet about it. We all know that the Notional Rifle Association exist to fund the activities of an elite few whilst paying lip service to the roots of the sport. This has to stop. The petty rules and political machinations of the NRA Council have done more damage to the sport of shooting than any incompetent Home Secretary could have imagined possible.
In fact the biggest enemy of the NRA is the NRA itself.
I thought we had turned a corner by running the open days but no the fees were rather high considering this was to get newcomers into the sport, the queuing was tortuous at some stands and the NRA decided that youths assisting clubs (providing time and weapons for free) wouldnt be entitled to the horrorbag lunch.
Now as a small business man I understand the loss leader principle. You fund advertising and give away incentives to encourage prospective buyers through your door.
What did the NRA do, probably asked its staff to work for free as there were no range fees charged that day? More than likely knowing their attitude.
Still enough of that back to my lunch and a perusal of the Army Rumour Service!

Time for a quick joke then:
The new Navy;
Details have been released regarding Britain 's next generation of fighting ships:
the Royal Navy is proud of the cutting edge capability of the fleet of Type 45 destroyers.
Costing £750 million, they have been designed to meet the needs of the21st century;
in addition to state of the art technology, weaponry, and guidance systems,
the ships will comply with the very latest employment, equality, health & safety and human rights legislation.
They will be able to remain at sea for several months and positivelybristle with facilities. For instance, the new user friendly crow's nestcomes equipped with wheelchair access.
Live ammunition has been replacedwith paintballs to reduce the risk of anyone getting hurt and to cut downon the number of compensation claims.
Stress councillors and lawyers will be on duty 24hrs a day, and each ship will have it's own onboard industrial tribunal.
The crew will be 50/50 men and women, and balanced in accordance with the latest Home Office directives on race, gender, sexuality and disability.
Sailors will only have to work a maximum of 37hrs per week in line with Brussels Health & Safety rules even in wartime!
All bunks will be double occupancy, and the destroyers will all come equipped with a maternity ward and creche, situated on the same deck as the Gay Disco.
Tobacco will be banned throughout the ship, but cannabis will be allowed in the mess.
The Royal Navy is eager to shed its traditional reputationfor "Rum, Sodomy and the lash"; out goes the occasional rum ration which is to be replaced by Perrier water, although sodomy remains this has now been extended to include all ratings under 18. The lash will still be available but only by request.
Condoms can be obtained from the Bosun in a variety of flavours, except Capstan Full Strength.
Saluting officers has been abolished because it is elitist; it is to be replaced by the more informal "Hello Sailor".
All notices on boards will be printed in 37 different languages and braille.
Crew members will no longer be required to ask permission to grow beards or moustaches, even the women.The MOD is working on a new "Non specific" flag based on the controversial British Airways "Ethnic" tailfin design, because the white ensign is considered to be offensive to minorities.
Sea Trials are expected to take place soon, when the first of the new destroyers HMS Cautious, sets out on her maiden mission it will be escorting boat loads of illegal immigrants across the channel to ports onthe south coast.
The ship is due to be launched soon in a ceremony conducted by Captain Hook from the Finsbury Park Mosque who will break a petrol bomb over the hull.
The ship will gently slide into the water to the tune of "In theNavy" by the Village People played by the Royal Marines.
The Prime Minister said that "While the ships reflected the very latest ofmodern thinking they were also capable of being upgraded to comply with any new legislation.
His final words were " Britain never, never waives the rules!"
Shamelessy nicked from an e mail this morning! With thanks to Killer Dave

Tuesday, 20 November 2007

A bad back and an evening in the club

Well I awoke with the mother of all back pains, being a bloke all pain is either terminal (yetI'll grin and bear it) or worse than child birth! Cutting the security chain that some knobber had vandalised the padlock on to one of our wood access gates put paid to almost 4 months of a pain free back. Its normally dragging deer carcasses around that does for me.

Any way I spent 1/2 a day at work followed by a trip to London to measure up for some cabling on one of a clients sites. Finish in time to get over to the club house for the regular monthly meeting. Now I'm not sure how many of you will recognise this place but I'm sure not many will have such a grand pile as a club house!
For those unused to seeing Bedlam at night here is a close up of a couple of the breechloaders out front:

For those of you still unenlightened here you go:

Despite there being a decent lecture (well more of a reminiscing) taking place last night I had to cut short my attendance due to a lack of trains back to where my car was!

The lecture would have started earlier but for the ongoing saga over the MoD and The NRA (Notional Rifle Association) who for many years have been content to sell us other type of shooting down the river as long as TR was preserved. 1st went self loading centre fire rifles. Ok thought the NRA no great loss, 2nd went pistols and they soon jumped on the historic section 7 bandwagon when they saw their revenues fall through the floor.

Now we have this MoD imposed muzzle energy limit of 3800 joules which to me is an insult as I no speakee euro crap! To add injury to insult we are to be asked to check zero every time we shoot regardless of the fact that many of our rifles that shoot in excess of the magical 2800 foot pounds of muzzle energy actually cannot leave the danger area behind the back stop as they are ballistically inferior to modern ammo otherwise we would all be using Sniders still!

There seems to be no simple answer apart from sod the lot of them! Time to get my rifles all listed as collection and sporting so I can miss deer as well as the backstop at Bisley!

Sunday, 18 November 2007

Baiting for boar

Today, Richard and I visited a couple of likely spots in one of our leased woods and one which I look after to see if the Boar are visiting.

They are well known down here but are notoriously difficult to see especially when you are armed and looking for one.

Walking your pet Highland Terrier aged 12 and if you are aged 80 then you are likely to see them and all of my deer and pheasants every day!

So we have resorted to habitat creation using Hog wild from Bushwear. This involves making a hole with post diggers and mixing grain with this attractant. Now thats ok as long as you read the packet first; we all do that dont we, luckily there was a feeder nearby so we robbed the grain from there first.

So first hole filled and off we went to a wood where we know Boar are active but we thought we would be armed first:
So 8 slugs in the tube and 5 more in the butt holder (snigger) and away we went.
Richard brought along a .22 just in case you understand, not that any of the bad boar that we werent going to see wouldnt be dealt with by an ounce and 1/4 of solid lead!
Part of the visit was to check on the ground after it was leased to a stalker and I put in a high seat for him covering the only possible ambush position.
Thats where we put the hog pit soon to be a wallow and in 2 weeks we will check again to see if it works. The only problem there is the wood is surrounded by orchards and maize coverstrips.
Ah well we shall see!

Saturday, 17 November 2007

Another one bites the dust

Well at least this time it was two, so well done lads. Despite the blogger image upload dying last night along with a couple more of charlies mates.

Today I borrowed at great personal risk the wifes new truck. It drove really well despite me being barred by the long haired CO from taking it either off road or anywhere outside the farmyard with any dirty smelly beaters on board. Her words by the way, pickers up I ask you complete snobs the lot of them. Anyway I drove it down with Chris who managed to lose his phone and Sampson in the travel cage in the back (that or lose his nuts) and his siblings and mum scrapping amongst each other at least till Brighton.

Today despite an ever present threat of rain it held together and over 30 birds were shot including several brace of the ducks at last!

Thanks to Culverwells in Robertsbridge for turning round the repairs on the truck in one day. I cant wait now for the money in the bank to build up enough to buy the wife the car she really wanted so I can have this truck!

Tuesday, 13 November 2007

Thanks to Mr FMT for this one:

Reports back from the long haired 0A are that her darling stud dog has already attempted to eat the rear brake electrics in the back of her new car.

This is the guilty sod, a definate candidate for nuts off if he doesnt start behaving:

Monday, 12 November 2007

Well all things considered it wasnt too bad a day

I awoke after a few drinkies with the mother of all pains in my left ribs under my arm. I suspect the wife (for it is she) beat me to a pulp for snoring, (allegedly alcohol induced). Still driving to work was interesting.

Thanks to the Army Rumour Service for this one:

My attendance at the local parade was interesting, the British legion (drinks afterwards) has been sold and the local TAC were being queer for some strange reason!

I ended up at the Bowling alley watching my kids taking part in the county trials. A good thing too judging by what went on in town during the afternoon:

I'm not sure if the local MP will be able to sort anything out being as wet as the local boating lake but I'll keep an eye on him!

This afternoon I left work early to drive the wife over for to pick up her car.

Yes the one I love (my bank balance) and I have been seperated for the next 3 years again. Now time to sell the Frontera.

To be honest I tried to get financial authority from my head of accounts to buy one new when they came out a couple of years ago. I'm glad we waited as this model we picked up with a tow pack and back box is an ex demonstrator 11 months old with only 5000 miles on the clock. The discount was good and its a diesel automatic so I keep Madam happy and the bank!

About time I got something big enough to carry the dogs (all 9) and not have them barking for 2 hours at a time!

On the way back we dropped of a big 45 gallon juice container for my Keeper Chris to use as a Brine tank. He will make some hams and I will smoke them in my Bradley.

We got a chance to see the damage done when the woodman left the fires unnattended.

Make up your own mind but I happen to think he is a cnut!

E mail to the land agent with pictures has been sent!

Worse than this, there were still some burning from today at 5pm.

For those that need convincing of the need for a healthy lifestyle watch this:

For those worried about sex before marriage there is this:

Saturday, 10 November 2007


First day at our little shoot

Yes at last we finally managed to get the magic ingredients together, beaters, birds, guns and the shoot. The weather was fine, too fine in fact, I think all of our birds were sat in the adjacent fields sunbathing. We tried really hard. I only used 4 dogs and 2 adults and 2 kids as beaters. Nothing on the first drive so we relined up the guns and pushed back to them.

Nothing again so we turned the guns around and headed back up the hill again.

yes this time with a walking gun in the middle 3 birds all took off. Now I'm not saying that nothing was shot or fired at. plenty of the local wood pigeons were saluted. However the walking gun hadnt loaded and the birds all flew away from our line.

Never mind, one flew over a guest, was allegedly shot yet we spent 15 minutes and still couldnt find it.

Time for coffee.

After coffee we wlked through together and pushed the chestnut clear, still no birds. I walked the guns around over the lower slope, took the beaters and walked around the long way. Whilst doing this another cock bird was pushed backwards over the guns and saluted.

I pushed through, with a gun in my hands this time (Beretta 686 28 Bore) and we managed to get completely the wrong way around. As we wombled around to point the right way a cock bird exploded from cover in front of me. As that irritating bloke of the tv said "Bang and the bird was gone!"

Now Misty picked the bird and we shook out for a last drive or so we thought!

Still not a lot flying!

My darling nearest and dearest turned up with the rest of Ugly Towers dog pack so we squeezed one more drive in. Sod I said back to the pub.

Not so simple Richards son and mine managed to get the shoot 4wd stuck on a stump. I told them to leave it and we will get it later.

A good lunch at the Red Lion, a couple of Harveys finest foaming pints and away home.

Chris returned to the shoot to find that the woodman had left scrub fires burning and about 20 yards of boundary hedge had gone. The man is a tool, in fact such a complete tool that we shall call him Leatherman from now on!

On the subject of unrepentant coppers refusing to resign and politicians buggering off and not doing their jobs properly that this little picture is a reminder of how when elections arent done properly how some right minded people deal with things.

thanks to CGN for this:

Wednesday, 7 November 2007

More please sir!

It seems that not only bambi basher has dislike for lawyers, General Musharaf has a reasonable view as well. A pity he doesnt "like" Estate Agents and Taxi Drivers the same way.
Either way I'm sure democracy will happen their way one day! Lets hope it doesnt take 1400 years to get there!
In the meantime another clip from Nigel:

Cheers mate, now your rifle is here lets get out and sort out some Does.

In the mean time, a good mate is sat in hospital having suffered a series of strokes on the weekend, apparently a massive clot, but we told the doctors he'd always been one!

Get well Soon Andy!

Again thanks to Nigel for this joke:

Drunk driver in Paris;

A gendarme in Paris last night pulled over a driver who had been weaving in and out of the traffic.

He approached the car window and said "Sir I need you to blow into this breathalyzer".

The man reaches into his pocket and produces a doctor's note.

On it was written: "This man suffers from chronic asthma. Do not make him perform any action that may leave him short of breath".

The gendarme said "Okay then I need you to come and give a blood sample"

The man produced another letter. This one said:"This man is a haemophiliac. Please do not cause him to bleed in any way".

So the officer said: "Right, I need a urine sample then".

The man produces a third letter from his pocket.

It read: "This man plays rugby for Australia , please don't take the piss out of him

Tuesday, 6 November 2007

Thanks again to Nigel

Sworn of Fords for life after my last experience with any colour as long as its black mutating into any gearbox that doesnt work I was pleased to receive this little clip from Nigel:

I guess Nigel has earned his place on this weekends shoot just on humour content alone. Looking forward to having you down and the boys for beating. I figure that we can manage 4 drives and push a few birds over the guns. Richard, Chris and Myself are fixtures, Chris is bringing 2 guns and Nigel is with me. Just up to Richard if he wants to drag his son and Brother out.

The pressure was on as I was due to pick up the dog trainers new truck an Isuzu Rodeo on Saturday afternoon. It looks like it wont be ready before next week so we will wait a little and have a relaxed pub lunch on Saturday.

I know an Isuzu is Japanese but my little rice basket of a Suzuki Jimny hasnt let me down yet and the Isuzu represents real value for money. One downside, car debt for another 3 years.

Saturday, 3 November 2007

Saturdays shoot in Hampshire

Well a reasonably good day despite another modest bag. The 300 ducks certainly flew but were too immature to make any serious inroads into.

The weather was superb, down to shirtsleeves by noon. It was so hot that the dogs finished 4 litres of water by about 1130. luckily a trough was nearby;

The problem was Purdey had already decided to cool off!

So a party gathered to watch the bathing and get a free drink.
On the way back from there 2 more muppets prove that possession of a driving license doesnt make you a safe or even considerate driver;

More to please was the fact that another fake mini bites the dust, why are they driven by such d*ckheads as estate agents and other pond life who believe that they are better drivers, I wouldnt give them a roller skate!

Friday, 2 November 2007

Morning stalk

Well Richard and I took the chance for a follow up after last weeks Pricket now the doe season has started.

It was the same time of the day only lighter with the reversion to GMT.

Richard took the high ground again but disturbed a dog walking tresspasser at 0615. I took the low ground and trailed a Fallow in the gloom. I was sure it was a doe but that wasnt important as Bucks are still in. The doe led me a merry trail, heart in mouth and twice I was close to a good shot but the doe managed to have branches between us.

I could hear my heart pounding in my head as I trailed but by the clear cut for the pylons of she went at a sprint. I heard a Roe Buck barking, maybe that was what had spooked her.

I circle around, saw a fox pushed out of cover by Richard but left it alone.

The colours were magnificent.
Who could lie in bed
when views like this
are there for the taking:

Ok so no deer met their maker this morning and the final walk around was disturbed by another tresspassing dog walker. Next week we'll do another wood!

Finally a joke:
One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a desertedisland for more than 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon.
He thought to himself,'It's certainly not a ship.' And,as the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out thepossibilities of a small boat and even a raft.
Suddenly there emerged from the surf a wet-suited blackclad figure.
Putting aside the scuba gear and the top of the wetsuit, there stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde!
The glamorous blonde strode up to the stunned Irishmanand said to him, Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a goodcigar?'
'Ten years,' replied the amazed Irishman.
With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproofpocket on the left sleeve of her wetsuit and pulled out a fresh packageof cigars.
He takes one lights it, and takes a long drag. 'Faithand b'gorrah,' said the man,'that is so good I'd almost forgotten howgreat a smoke can be!'
'And how long has it been since you've had a drop ofgood Powers Irish Whiskey?' asked the blonde.
Trembling, the castaway replied, 'Ten years.'
Hearing that, the blonde reaches over to her rightsleeve, unzips a pocket there and removes a flask and hands it to him.
He opened the flask and took a long drink. ''Tis nectarof the Gods!' stated the Irishman. ''Tis truly fantastic!!! '
At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowlyunzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle.
She looked at the trembling man and asked, 'And how longhas it been since you played around?'
With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his kneesand sobbed, 'Jesus,Mary and Joseph! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there, too!'

Thursday, 1 November 2007

If Carlsberg did wallcharts,

With great thanks to Mr Free Market for this one. very topical in light of the RSPB British Bird survey and the country being in the 3rd month of the Game shooting season.