Tuesday, 20 September 2011

Todays humour

PARAPROSDOKIANS

I had to look up "paraprosdokian". Here is the definition: "Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation."

"Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

15. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

16. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

17. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

Normal blogging will resume shortly.

2 comments:

Hippo said...

That cheered me up enormously, thanks!

The Suburban Bushwacker said...

The works of Dorothy Parker are full of 'em. Recommended reading.
SBW - AKA Beater Zero